The Most Savage Of Wines
Okay, everyone, thanks for coming to this very first beta-test of my new role-playing game, Pathwinder!
I’ve gone ahead and made a few characters for you. Dave, you’re the white, it plays like a 2nd Edition paladin. Joe, you’re a rosé, high charisma and diplomacy. And Barry, you’re gonna play the 2009 Per Alessandra Barbera d’Alba. This one’s a sort of a complex class to play, so let me explain a bit before we jump in.
The 2009 Per Alessandra Barbera d’Alba is sort of a “wild man” archetype. Heavy on bright and lively outdoorsy berries, like strawberry and raspberry and such. It’s sort of up front about everything, so remember that if you want your experience points, okay? Also remember this wine gets a solid geographical bonus against Italian foods. Stuff like red sauced pasta or a nice salami. Right, it’s a good party wine, but it also has the strength to carry itself at a state dinner. Think of it as a king hidden away among the people, like Aragorn or something.
Okay, so… you’re all at a tavern where you’ve just met and decided to storm the famous Dungeoni Sinestra just outside of town. Rumor has it a mighty wizard lives there, and has sworn to destroy the locals if ever his home is disturbed. As you talk openly about your plans, you all start to notice people in the tavern are staring at you. Let me just roll, here… okay, 2009 Per Alessandra Barbera d’Alba, roll a perception check for me, please.
Oh dear, a natural one. Well, then, you don’t notice the dagger flying at you, I guess. Let me just roll for damage… hm, how many life points did you say you had in total? Hm.
Okay, well… let’s say the 2009 Per Alessandra Barbera d’Alba is actually a three pack. And you’re here to avenge your dead brother from the wizard who ordered him killed. All you know is he lives deep in the Dungeoni Sinestra and you need to join a party to help you get there. There we go, back on track. Everybody ready to play?
2009 Per Alessandra Barbera d'Alba
- Grape Variety: 100% Barbera
- Production Zone: Priocha
- Altitude: 780 feet above sea level
- Surface Area/ Yield: 2.8 acres, 0.8 tons/acre
- Soil: Sand and white clay marl
- Exposure: South, southwest
- Vinification & Aging: A 5 day fermentation period in stainless steel tanks. The wine aged in stainless steel tanks for 12 months and in the bottle for 2 months.
- Production: 400 cases
- Alcohol: 13.0%
A fruit-driven, nice, exceptional Barbera with loads of raspberries, strawberries and a bright lively activity. Pair with red sauce pasta, pizza and salami.
Rules and restrictions:
- Wine sold by winery
- You must be 21 or older to order
- Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
- If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
- Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
- We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address
Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:
- Arizona
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- District Of Columbia
- Florida
- Georgia
- Idaho
- Illinois
- Iowa
- Kansas
- Louisiana
- Maine
- Michigan
- Minnesota
- Missouri
- Nebraska
- Nevada
- New Hampshire
- New Mexico
- New York
- North Carolina
- North Dakota
- Ohio
- Oregon
- South Carolina
- Texas
- Vermont
- Virginia
- Washington
- West Virginia
- Wisconsin
- Wyoming
If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.
