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It’s Why You’re Here Today

Etre. As in Raison D’Etre. As in “reason for being.”

When you know what you’re doing is right, you’re going to keep doing it. It doesn’t matter how many obstacles life throws in your way. Once you find your Raison D’Etre you’ll chase it down, grab it tight, hold it close and never let it go. And when your reason for being is winemaking… well, in a crowded field like that, if you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it right.

We think winemaker Jeff Gaffner has long since proven he’s living the way he’s meant to live. Jeff’s been all over Sonoma and Napa for the past twenty five years, putting in his time, mastering his craft, and earning the right to claim the name “Etre” for his wines. So don’t be surprised to learn these three bottles of Etre 2009 Chardonnay Sonoma Coast pull off a rare sort of- well, what else can we call it? A rare sort of serious fun.

You’ll get smacked full of exotic high tones then tickled with a rich long mouthfeel. You’ll notice mango, pineapple, papaya, Granny Smith apples and the undertones of hazelnut and cream. But be aware: this isn’t some throwaway “day-at-the-carnival” roller coaster kind of fun. This your kid’s first trip to the beach, that weekend before you graduate, or the day you pay off your house. This is the fun that has meaning. This is the fun you’ll remember.

The Etre 2009 Chardonnay Sonoma Coast is a fine white wine from a man who knows exactly what his life calls him to do and is happy to be doing it. And that’s why we’re giving you three. Because once you know what your life is for, you’ve just gotta share it with everyone else.

Don’t think of it as bragging. Think of it as… generosity.

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You Taste One Steel Tank, You Tasted ‘Em All

So stainless steel tanks are all the rage in France? Bernardus just says “More oak for the rest of us.”

Right now, winemakers all across France are throwing out their old seasoned oak barrels in favor of stainless steel tanks. That’s fashion for you.

But Bernardus owner, Ben Pon, is keeping la foi. Bernardus mixes and matches custom-crafted oak barrels from various coopers in Burgundy, blending their different flavor influences into the Bernardus 2008 Vineyard Designate Pinot Noir, Tondré Vineyard. Yeah, that’s how carefully they think about this stuff: right down to the flavor profile of each barrel.

Burgundy is also the ancestral homeland of the Tondré Vineyard clones hand-harvested for this Vineyard Designate Pinot. Their deep ruby color, aromatic red fruits and spices, and rich flavors of cherry and plum would be right at home in Dijon or Auxerre.

But if you notice something else at play, something that you haven’t noticed in French wines much lately, well… let’s put it this way: it sure ain’t stainless steel.

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue…

Please check with current HR polices concerning possible displays of perceived affection towards a co-worker before somebody sues.

“Hey there, little lady. You must be the newest, sweetest addition to the HR staff around here.”

And you must be Mr. Swoomy from Accounting. I’ve heard an awful lot about you, including the way you continually violate company dress code by unbuttoning your shirt down to the navel. Do you mind fixing that oversight before having a seat?

“Oh, sorry about that, darlin’. It’s just so hard keeping all this masculine energy contained during my work day. I do apologize if I’ve ‘hot ‘n’ bothered’ you.”

Um, right. Anyway, I have three complaints here on my desk from three different members of the customer service staff concerning some gifts you may have given them.

“I find that extremely hard to believe, mademoiselle.”

It’s Ms. Morris to you, Mr. Swoomy. And do you mean you find the allegations hard to believe?

“Not at all. I find it hard to believe they’re complaining at all. Those red wines are some of the finest from Columbia Valley, Washington, you know, Ms. Mmm-Mmm-Mmmmmm-Morris. With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought maybe those lonely ladies could use a little something to cheer them up. I can’t imagine why they are so worked up over it.”

Really? Perhaps the card you left with the wine you left on Ms. Dayton’s desk could give us a clue. “Let’s get a little Naked on my bear-skin rug next week.”

“The wine, Ms. Morris, is the 2009 Naked Merlot from Naked Winery. I also happen to have an old bear-skin rug that I don’t want any more near my fireplace. I thought maybe she’d like some nice conversation over a glass of cherry and ripe plum flavors with a hint a chocolate. I was just merely pointing out that she didn’t need to feel bad if she got some on the rug.”

I see. And the Pinot Noir you left on Ms. Johnson’s desk.

“Also Naked, I might add. The 2009 Naked Pinot Noir, to be exact. It’s ruby in color, ripe black cherries on the nose, and a velvety, ahem, mouthfeel.”

Uh huh. The card you left her reads, “With me, you don’t have to worry about a bad VD.”

“Well I don’t believe anyone deserves a bad Valentine’s Day, Ms. Morris. That kind of thing can spread through an office and really hurt morale, I think. And before you get to the 2008 Penetration Cabernet I gave to Ms. Chambers, I would just like to point out that I have no control over what a winery names its wines. I’d be fan of the dark black cherry flavors with hints of vanilla and eucalyptus no matter what it was called.”

I don’t doubt that, Mr. Swoomy. But do you have an explanation for the motel room key and the glazed donut with what appears to be a gas station hot dog through the middle of it sitting on her desk?

”...You’re a cold one, Ms. Morris. Ice cold. I like that in a woman.”

That’s nice, Mr. Swoomy. Here are your exit documents. Please pack your things and return these to me before you leave today.

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Found In Translation

“Tor del Colle Montepulciano d’Abruzzo Riserva.” It’s not just a cool-sounding name – it actually means something.

That’s the biggest mouthful we’ve seen since the last time we had Nonna’s orecchiette alla pugliese. On a purely aesthetic level, it has the kind of poetic ring that stirs your heart and waters your tongue.

But every syllable also serves a purpose, telling us much about this wine and its provenance. Allow us to translate:

Tor del Colle: a label owned by Casa Vinicola Botter, a leading Venice-based exporter of Italian wines since 1928.

Montepulciano: a dry, smooth red Italian grape varietal known for its intense color and its flavors of cherry, chocolate, spice, and pepper.

d’Abruzzo: literally “of Abruzzo.” Abruzzo is a region of Italy between the eastern slope of the Appenine Mountains and the western shore of the Adriatic Sea, known for its varied ecosystems, its rare bears and wolves, and – you saw this coming – its wine.

Riserva: “reserve.” This label is restricted only to Montepulciano d’Abruzzos that have been aged by the winery for more than two years.

So now, when you dazzle your friends with those exotic syllables leaping off of your tongue, you’ll also be able to tell them what it means. Althought we doubt you’ll be able to say much more than Molto bene!

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Uncork to open

Friends don’t let friends waste wine all over their ships.

Ah, two bottles of NV White Flowers Brut Sparkling Riesling and two bottles of NV White Flowers Sweet Sparkling Riesling. Nice choice! But, there is one thing. Before I let you buy those, I just gotta make sure you understand: these wines are for drinking. Not boat-christening.

Maybe it seems like a weird thing to say, but we’ve had a lot of people coming in looking for sparkling wine recently, and when we ask them what exactly they prefer, they say, “Something that smashes nicely on a hull.”

And that’s totally fair, considering that recent study that outlined the christened vs. non-christened sink rates. But we just want to make sure that you know this is drinking wine. The Brut’s lip-smacking flavors of spiced Granny Smith apple, lemon, and dried apricot are meant to melt in your mouth, not on your boat. And the same goes for the Sweet’s floral, yeasty notes.

If you’re looking for some boat-christening wine, we keep a cases of cheap stuff in the back. It’s all bubble and no business, so it looks nice and flashing when it cracks open, and you don’t have to waste this good stuff out on the dock. Understand? Good.

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Welcome, fellas, to the Strawberry Walrus!

Please give a warm “Strawberry Walrus” welcome to Candy Basket, making her way to stage 4!

That’s right gentlemen, she’s 27 ounces of pure deliciousness hailing from Portland, OR and she’s packing just under 50 patties of fun! She’s the proud result of a four-generations-old recipe using delicious premium pecans, soft slow-cooked caramel, and rich Guittard milk- and dark-chocolate! I’m sure all you guys are so quiet because you’re busy pulling your tongues back up into your mouths!

Oh my, get a load of those Fleur de Sel Salted Caramel Pecan Patties! This girl was carved by the Big Man Upstairs himself and sent as a gift to prove he loves us all, boys! So sweet and savory! So chewy and crunchy! Make some noise and don’t be shy with your dollars, gentlemen! This is one Valentine’s Day gift no one would mind having, am I right?

Make some noise, boys, treats like this don’t come along every day! Be sure to tip your waitresses!

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Unforgettable

Boy, thank goodness Valentine’s Day comes around once a year. Otherwise, I don’t know that I’d ever remember to care about you at all, honey!

I guess that’s why holidays like this exist, huh? You know, so you remember to do important things like “care about your family” or “annoy your neighbors by blowing things up late at night” or “eat turkey”? Gosh, I don’t know that I’ve even said the words “I love you” to you at all in the year. And if I did, I probably didn’t mean it. I probably just said it out of habit. Either that or I was talking to my iPad and not you. Alright then, let’s do this. I love you. There? Are we done here?

Oh, right. I forgot about the exchange of gifts thing. I guess it sort of makes it all official and not just an empty gesture, doesn’t it? Well here’s a 2011 The Crusher Rosé of Pinot Noir 4-pack and a box Le Belge Chocolate Truffles just for you, sweetie. I’m sure the fragrant bouquet of wild strawberry, apricot and notes of rose combined with the vibrant tangerine, strawberry, and subtle Key Lime flavors will remind you of the magical night we first met. You say we didn’t have wine the night we met? Huh. Must be some other woman I’m thinking of.

Well you do like fine Belgian chocolates, right? Because you get two Le Coeur du Lait truffles, featuring Belgian Milk chocolate layered over vanilla ganache, and a couple Le Coeur d’Amour truffles that have raspberry gelate layered over a vanilla-infused dark ganache in dark chocolate in this box of Le Belge Chocolate Truffles. Plus, to be honest, I don’t think I can take them back if you don’t. So yeah.

Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day, girlfriend! Let’s do this again next year. What? WE’RE MARRIED? No way! I can’t believe I forgot something like that. There should really be a day somewhere in the year that reminds you of getting married, don’t you think?

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Bipartisan Misery

What’s the difference between a grape and a Senator? A grape can have integrity.

At this point, it’s not even talking politics to say Congress is doing a terrible job. Horrible mistakes on both sides of the aisle are kicking approval ratings down to the single digits. It’s reassuring that the election season is on the way, but do you really want to put back the same people causing all this trouble? Instead, why not elect candidates with integrity? Why not the Emery Estate Sonoma Valley Red 2-Pack?

Sure, there’d be a little issue with a birth certificate, but what does that matter between friends? We’ll vouch for them: the Emery Estate Sonoma Valley Red 2-Pack was born from grapes grown in the Sonoma region of California. The grapes were picked based on taste, texture and, you got it, integrity. Shall we take a deeper look at the candidates?

The 2006 Deborah Factor Cabernet Sauvignon is ripe and rich. It boasts a nose of blackberries, black plums, blueberries and violets, just like the violets you might give to your dear sainted mother on her birthday. The fruit’s forward and never gives up, and the undercurrent of chocolate truffles will test well among the 18-36 crowd.

In the second slot you’ll find the 2007 Sonoma Valley Estate Syrah. Aromas of candied violets and fine cured meats show a willingness to do what is right, while the generous notes of fresh blueberry, blackberry and dried cranberry illustrate how it can compromise as needed. Then there’s the little things, the hints of mineral, black pepper, anise, blood orange and milk chocolate. Isn’t that the sort of wine you want to put to work for you?

This year, don’t choose one of those bozos who only think about themselves. Think about the candidates who’ve grown and matured as only a fine wine can. This year, choose the Emery Estate Sonoma Valley Red 2-Pack.

Because the closer we get to November, the more you’re gonna need a drink.

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Games on the Marycrest

Wine is serious business for winemakers. But for wine drinkers, it’s a good time.

Whether you go with the 2008 Zinfandel-Remo Belli Vineyard’s big, jammy-toasty fruit flavors and rich, full body, or the 2007 My Generation’s fruit forward, firm structure and deep notes of coffee and tobacco, one thing’s for sure: you’re going to enjoy yourself with these wines from Vines on the Marycrest. In fact, they’re so much fun, that they’ve inspired a series of wine-bottle games. For example:

• Cork in One – you set up baskets and try to toss a cork into them. If you get a cork in a basket, you drink a glass of wine. If you miss, you also drink a glass of wine. The part where you try to toss the cork into the baskets isn’t really a requirement.
• Conversation – You sip a glass of wine and talk to someone at a party, but competitively. The points may never be revealed, but trust us, SOMEONE IS KEEPING SCORE! SO GO OUT THERE AND WIN THAT CONVERSATION!
• Wine Bowling – Set up bottles of wine in a bowling pin formation, and then roll a size-able ball towards them. NOTE: the game is most fun when all players miss bottles intentionally and just end up drinking the wine. Anyone who actually knocks a bottle over should be asked to leave.
• Coin Loss – Pass around a coin flipping it and announcing “Heads” or “Tails.” Allow for conversation to start up naturally. When you’ve lost track of who has the coin (or forgotten that there even is a coin going around), that’s when it’s time to drink some wine.
• Game Time? – With a group of friends, discuss playing any of the above games. When you eventually decide not to, realize the discussion itself was a game! Celebrate your victory with wine.

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Okay, in retrospect that was a pretty dumb thing to say.

Of course I apologize, but you guys could lay off with the criticism, y’know.

My fellow Americans, I stand before you today humbled, but even more determined to earn your nomination for the United States Presidential election. I’ve run a strong, honest campaign. I’ve avoided the mudslinging and petty indictments of my opponents. I am the only candidate not tarnished by a sex scandal or infidelity of some sort.

And, were it not for this recent slip of the tongue, I believe I’d still be your frontrunner.

Every politician has a slip of the tongue now and then. Howard Dean’s infamous war shriek doomed his campaign. George W. Bush had his famous “Fool me twice” speech. Joe Biden dropped an F bomb on a live mic after the President has finished his address. The point is not to focus on one niggling little mistake and lose sight of my overall qualifications and history!

Look, I have a weakness for white wine. Love it, in fact. You might say it’s my one vice. I mean, not like THAT. I can stop any time. Oh, no. I mean I can actually stop, not “I can stop any time” the way alcoholics say it. Crap. Anyway, the point is someone on my campaign staff had just purchased a 10knots 2010 Viognier White Wine 4-Pack to celebrate our victory in the caucus.

And THAT is why it was reported on CNN that I screamed “White Power!” behind the scenes at the debate. I was just really excited about the Viognier. Honest.

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