A sparkling red?! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS WORLD??
"Wait, boy. D'ye hear that?"
"What is it grand-pop?"
"Music, lad. The sweet song of Bonny Doon."
"What's a Bonny Doon, grand-pop?"
"Not a what, son, but a where. They say, long ago, there was a village in these hills, so wondrous, so beautiful, so full of wine that the townsfolk decided to cast a spell on the whole of the town, so that it shall not appear on this Earth save for every hundred years when it rises from the mist once again."
"Aw, yer joshin' me, pops!"
"Nay it's true! Me own pa said he saw it with his own eyes, boy. Some say it's the lurid color and CO2 what binds the spell to the town. Other say there's no spell at all, and that the inhabitants are so inebriated that they just can't find their way out of the village."
"I find that characterization offensive to Scots, pop."
Enter a man in a suit.
"Hi, I'm Fitzsimmons von Spoonwanter, vice president in charge of caricatures here at Woot. I'm here to clarify that the Bonny Doon Sparkling Syrah is not in fact a Scottish wine. It's a lovely Californian vintage from the central coast. Thank you."
"What, that's it? No apology?"