Hey Toots, I got ya gourmet meat snack right hee-uh!
You know what? I'm tired of this whole, "Why can't I just find a nice guy and settle down already?" You're not foolin' anyone, ladies. You say you want a nice guy, but you don't want a nice guy.
You want a guy with hair and a nice car and an ample supply of dried meat. A guy who'll say, "As a matter of fact, I DO think those pants make your butt look big" and offer you a tender slice of gourmet jerky in the same breath. And of course you'll say yes because, after all, it is a good low carb snack.
Then next week you'll come crying to me saying, "He loves Teriyaki Pork Jerky more than me" or "I caught him in bed with Basil Citrus Turkey Jerky." Well BIG surprise! A guy like that? Anyone could have seen that coming a mile away.
It's not like there weren't red flags. I mean, the night you met him he had Chili Lime Beef Jerky on his breath. The real problem is that you all think you can change him. But can I let you in on a little secret? YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM. Once a Sweet Honey Chipotle Beef Jerky eater, always a Sweet Honey Chipotle Beef Jerky eater.